To be or not to be (social)

I vacillate between wanting a busy social life and not wanting one at all.

I think I've always been this way: Upset when I only receive a couple calls on my birthday, but enjoying the peace and quiet the other 364 days of the year. I can remember feeling it as a child, those conflicting pulls of "I need more friends" versus "leave me alone!"

I don't like being swept into other people's drama. And either I attract high-drama people into my life or everyone is high drama to a degree and I lack the ability compassionately distance myself from their stuff. I find people who are good at compassionate distance are cold and heartless, which I don't want to be. On the other hand, those cold and heartless people sometimes have bigger social lives than I, so maybe it's a necessary skill.

However, while I have zero tolerance for others' crazy dramas, I selfishly expect people to coddle me through my life problems.

I swear, I'm not a sociopath. I actually have a lot of empathy for people. Theoretically, at least.

But up close and personal, it can be more difficult.

Here in Wyoming, I've tried to make some friends outside of work, but it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Then I got busy with work and took a break from being social. I need to "get back on the horse," so to speak, and try finding people in new places. My default setting is to give up on people because their drama isn't worth breaking the peace and quiet of my life. But I know this isn't healthy. So I must try again.

Onward.