Le foodie

I know why you all visit Pink as the Sky: Le food.

Because you know me, all day long behind the stove. Whipping up potpies. (The microwave in my kitch is above the stove.) Just magic, how I can turn a glutten-free, Kosher, no-bovine-growth-hormone butter frozen crust into a flakey crust in 7 to 10 minutes because I'm into the slow food movement and so is Marie Calendar's.

But it's more than flavors. It's also my flava, if I do say so myself. My personality that makes you want to want to transform your whole life. Just a little Martha Stewart, I am.

You come for the cooking and stay for the cleavage.

Well, today I'm going to discuss a new recipe. Get ready to go to the organic market, kids, or your corner grass-raised pork slaughter house.

Coke ribs in Crockpot
(I ripped this off someone on the Internet. I don't know who.)

Ribs: 3 pounds, roughly.
One can of Coke. I used flattened Pepsi that was in my fridge for two weeks in a liter bottle. I poured it into one highball glass.

Directions: Put it all in there. You might have to cut up the ribs into two- or three-rib sections to fit it in there. Turn it on low. Then in like six to eight hours, you can take it out. I forgot which — is it six hours or eight hours? — but let's go with eight, since it's safest germ-wise. My Internet recipe is like, "Drain Coke and pour in barbecue sauce and let cook for an hour." I'm like, "Screw that. I'm not cleaning barbecue sauce out of my Crockpot. If you want barbecue sauce, pour it on when your meat is on the dish washable plate."

Pairs well with Hawaiian Fruit Punch.

Bon appetit!

Macaroni and Beans
(I thought I had invented this but it turns out, it's ubiquitous on the net. Also, I don't recommend eating this because it's gross.)

1 box of whole-grain macaroni (you gotta make yourself feel better about eating such a fattening meal)
Lots of black-eyed peas (also to make yourself feel better about eating a fattening meal)
Two tablespoons to 10 cups of alfredo sauce. This is easier than melting the butter and cream. Trust me.
Fistfuls of shredded cheddar cheese. If you're a true foodie, like me, then you only buy cheese that has been hand-curdled in your local dairyman's Tuff Shed. Only local.
Fewer fistfuls of shredded mozzarella cheese. Ditto on only local.

Directions:
Soak, rinse, boil and rinse beans. Have them waiting.
Boil pasta till al dente. Drain water. Put pasta and beans back in pot.
Turn stove down low and start adding cheeses. First add alfredo because it's a nice base and the other cheese will grab onto it, rather than the bottom of the pan. With the alfredo, just start small and add more. Add till your heart's desire. I think I did about a half cup. Make sure macaroni is nicely coated before adding the fistfuls of cheese.  Add cheddar by the fistful by adding, stirring, adding and stirring. Watch it melt. If you're single like me, put your spoon in and taste. No one will know better. Then add mozzarella by repeating cheddar steps. One thing I remembered about myself from this experiment is that I hate cheddar cheese. So if I ever make it again, I'm only using white cheeses because I'm racist like that. This recipe will NOT disguise the disgusting taste of black-eyed peas, which taste like dirt in my opinion. I even found a Facebook group that agrees that they taste like dirt. This recipe does not taste better as leftovers. It's more stomachable when eaten fresh. I may try it again with Great Northern or Navy Beans.

Pairs well with Fish Juice.

Bon Appetit!

Update
A week later, I made it with Great Northern white beans and it was a million times better.

I also recommend making it in smaller portions if you're eating it by yourself. Don't boil an entire box of pasta. Maybe a cup or so.

And I used less cheddar, which was a personal preference.